During her Schmoedown career, Drew Grant, known as VIDEODREW, competed in the singles and teams divisions. Drafted by Robert Meyer Burnett in the 2020 Schmoedown draft before being traded, she was a member of the Dungeon during Season 7: The New Era and Season 8: War. Here are her reflections on the show that we all love, in her own words.
Looking back on the Schmoedown, what is the most memorable moment that you were personally involved in?
The most memorable moment in Schmoedown I was personally involved in had to be when Jeannine got that Tom Cruise question, “How many people leave the firm with Jerry in Jerry Maguire?” And I asked, “how do you spell cat, Kristian?” I still don’t know why that resonated so much with people. I just remember being slightly annoyed because it was such an easy layup—the whole point of the movie is that only Renee leaves to start a firm with him!!—and just blurting out the dumbest thing I could think of in frustration after her correct answer. But you’d think from the response I was Bo Burnham finishing my first song in front of an audience. I remember the crowd howling. Mark and Kristian acting like it was the funniest dig they ever heard. It didn’t even make SENSE, but ended up winning quote of the year. When the episode played, some people in the comments were like “What does that mean?” only to have everyone respond that if you had to ask, you just “didn’t get it.” But I still don’t get it. Maybe it’s like that part of Good Will Hunting, where Will asks that Harvard bully, “Do you like apples?” And the guy is like “yeah?” And Will goes “Well I got her number! How do you like dem apples?” For YEARS, that quote haunted me. Maybe in Boston people said “how about dem apples?” all the time. But I’ve never heard it before. So it was like asking an obvious set-up for this gibberish pay-off that everyone was like “oooooh sick burn!” If I was the Harvard guy, I would have just told this smart ass “No I don’t like apples, get the fuck out of my face,” because he’s clearly trying to mess with you. It’s so dumb. It makes no sense. What apples??! Whose cat??? What do phone numbers have to do with apples or spelling have to do with employee headcount?
Of course, my next question was “Who stars opposite Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman?” So I guess the joke is on me for not realizing questions could indeed get much easier than Maguire-gate. But yeah, maybe you had to be there. I was there, still don’t really get it.
What is the most memorable moment that you were not involved in?
Most memorable moment that I was not involved in? Had to be Marisol winning the singles title from Ethan Erwin. And it’s a damn shame because I wasn’t even able to watch the match live because they kicked us out of the taping over COVID concerns. It really broke our hearts, especially since we’d tested negative and everything. Whatever, story for another time. The fact that the betting round question was about David Lynch’s Elephant Man just made the whole thing feel like kismet. It had been really close, my match against Marisol earlier in the year, but I knew I would never have been able to take it as far as she did. To see someone I knew worked so hard become the first female singles champion of the Schmoedown touched me in this profound way. To me, Marisol’s performance really represented the best of what the Schmoedown could be. The fact that she’d told me I’d been the first woman outside of her faction to reach out and make her feel welcome in the community—and this was already a year after she’d made her debut in the league—that just raised the stakes of how invested I was in the match. Just wish I could have seen her win the game in person though, damn.
Which of your matches would you say is the best you played?
The match against Jen Kempe. My obvious go-to for best performance. Jen is a fierce competitor and I struggled for months watching her tapes and worrying about what would happen if she landed on Pixar. Finally, I was getting so crazy and cranky that I had to let go and work on a personal goal, because trying to outplay her wasn’t a viable option. I decided to hold a private fundraiser for Kevin Smets and got people to marathon pledge but for me going perfect in round one, including bonus. To be clear, I’d never gotten close to perfect in round one..I think NerdChronic kept trying to change the terms to “pledge x amount for every right answer in round one” because going perfect seemed like an unobtainable goal. But guess what? I DID it…because I happened to remember the day before the match that there was this little movie called Ben is Back and I decided to look up the cast list for some reason. Yes, I did well in round two but to be fair, we both picked my strengths. But that first round…it was truly surreal. And humbling. And even though I checked down to multiple choice one time, it was still a technically perfect game.
Which match that didn’t involve you would you say is the best you ever saw?
Hmmmm that’s hard. How are we quantifying “best”? Technically accurate, or most entertaining or…? I think in terms of play it would have to be that Star Wars match between Drew and Alex where if memory serves they scored two million points each in round one, and Drew got the belt by breaking the tie, ending with a total score of infinity plus one. Though some say that Star Wars match never actually ended, and is in fact still being played to this very day…
How would you describe the Schmoedown’s impact on you?
Ahhh…Schmoedown’s impact on me. Well, for one, it taught about this thing called Kayfabe. In retrospect, I probably should have realized I could play VIDEODREW without turning it into my whole internet presence for several years, but it is what it is. Did it cost me job opportunities and scare away friends and family when I spent three decades typing in all caps? Probably. Was it worth it? I mean…I hope so! Because I can’t really go back and delete all those posts. Seriously though, the Schmoedown saved my life, or what weird waking nightmare was passing for my life in 2019. It gave me friends, community, something to work towards and be better for. It brought me the love of my life. It brought me VIDEODREW, that weird, wonderful bitch. That’s not to say it was perfect. But it was my Hårga, and I wouldn’t be the person I am today without it. I’m not even sure I’d be around today without it.
What will you miss most about the Schmoedown?
What will I miss most about the Schmoedown? The attention. I mean the glory and riches are both really strong candidates for the runner-up, as is the really cool pin you get upon being inducted into the Schmoedown’s secret Court of Trysanatorustops. (It’s so weird when you first hear Finstock and JTE drop the accents and speak in their native eldritch squelching.) But if I’m being honest with myself, I never got into this game to be the brilliant trivia player or the universal sex icon VIDEODREW. I just really, really liked all the attention. That’s what I am gonna miss the most.
Drew Grant can be found on Twitter @videodrew.
